FavoriteBoy vs. Fido

FavoriteBoy is allergic to dogs and cats, so naturally before agreeing to marry him I had to weigh the pros and cons of having a husband vs. having a dog.

A dog would shed hair all over my apartment;
A husband would leave clippings from his sideburns all over the bathroom sink.

A dog would need to be fed once or twice a day;
A husband would expect three meals a day with snacks in between and dessert after dinner.

A dog would gratefully eat whatever generic dog food or meat scraps I set before him;
A husband who happened to be a picky eater would not be so easy to please.

A dog would help me get exercise when I took him for a daily walk;
A husband who was a picky eater would have the opposite effect on my figure by wanting pizza at least once a week.

A dog might need to be trained;
You can't teach a husband many new tricks.

A dog would obey me mindlessly;
A husband would most likely not.

A dog would be a good listener;
A husband would be a good conversationalist.

A dog would alert me to dangerous intruders;
A husband could install better locks for me ahead of time.

A dog would be a companion;
A husband would be a friend.

A dog would lick my face;
A husband would kiss me in a less messy and more controlled fashion.

A dog would snore and drool;
I could hope for a husband that would sleep with more civility.

A dog would poop on the floor if not let out frequently enough;
A husband would not.

I think it was this last one that tipped the scales in Nathan's favor. So I got married.

(But then again, a dog wouldn't keep leaving the toilet seat up, either.)